How to Manage My Own Stress and Worries When My Partner Has Cancer

It is very common to feel stressed and worried when your partner has cancer, and you are dealing with so much change and uncertainty.

There is no single, or best, way to manage stress and worry. Looking after yourself, both physically and emotionally, can help you maintain your wellbeing and better cope with the stressors, as you support your partner through their cancer journey.

Tips for managing stress and worries 

It’s good to have a few different coping strategies. Try different things to see if they help you feel a little more confident, focused or in control.

Eat well

Eating healthily helps keep your energy up and cope with stress differently. Increase your vegetable and fruit intake, avoid fast food and cut down alcohol and caffeine (which can put stress on your body). Cancer Council’s booklet Nutrition for People Living with Cancer has useful advice for eating well.

Try to be active

While you may not have much time or energy, physical activity is more important now than ever. Evidence shows regular exercise helps lower feelings of anxiety, anger and depression, helps you cope with stress, and improves sleep. Even a short daily walk can help. Cancer Council’s booklet Exercise for People Living with Cancer has useful advice for staying active.

Make time for yourself

Take some time for relaxation and enjoyment, daily if possible. It can be anything that helps you feel connected to what matters to you – such as reading a book, having a massage, listening to music or walking in a park. Even if it is as little as 10-20 minutes, it all counts.

Get Support

Your partner’s cancer diagnosis may have come on top of other life stressors such as financial problems, work-related issues, relationship concerns or family challenges. Getting support to work through these can be critical, so you can also focus on your partner. Call us at Cancer Hub to find out what navigation, counselling and other support options are available for you.

Come back to the present (where you can)

Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you cope with stress by helping you quiet the ‘monkey mind’, mental chatter, and worries about what might happen. Mindfulness is about focusing on the present moment and connecting with what’s most important to you. There are many apps that people use to make mindfulness more accessible than ever. Some include Calm, Headspace and Insight Timer.

Talk to people who understand

Some hospitals have family/patient support groups designed to connect others navigating their cancer journeys. Ask your oncologist, clinical nurse specialist or social worker if this service is available at your local hospital.

Be kind to yourself

Dealing with your partner’s cancer is difficult, especially if you’re their carer too. There will be times when you are worried, exhausted and stressed, or burst into tears. And that’s okay – there is no such thing as a ‘perfect parent’. It’s okay to sometimes feel scared and wish this wasn’t happening to you. It’s okay for your child to see you cry, or stressed. Modelling that we can be in distress, name this, and then take action to get support (or support ourselves) is an important part of parenting.

Does positive thinking help?

A common belief is that the most important thing in coping with cancer is staying positive.

It can help to be hopeful – hope doesn’t mean denying the reality that cancer is serious or frightening.

Pressure to be ‘positive’ all the time can lead to people being afraid to discuss fears and feelings, which can make problems worse. Often being realistic about what is happening, and talking to someone about your fears and concerns so you can better deal with them. Explaining how you feel to those around you may also help you get the support you need.

When to get professional help

If stress or worries are so intense that you are not sleeping well, feel sad, irritable or anxious most of the time, you may need to see a professional. Your partner’s treating team, GP, a counsellor or a psychologist can help you find strategies to manage the stress and worries – reach out to us here at Cancer Hub and we can help you connect with support that suits your needs.