How to Explain What Cancer is to Your Child When They Have It

How you explain what cancer is and the type of information you give your child will depend on their age, how much they can understand and what they want to know. But the best advice is to keep it simple and straightforward.  It’s also important to speak with your treatment team, so you have consistent language, clear understanding of what it’s important for your child/children to know and when.

Start with questions

Start by asking what they know or have heard about cancer. Children, especially younger children, may have misperceptions about what causes cancer or think that everyone who gets cancer will die, or that something they did caused it.

If they do know someone who’s had cancer, usually it’s an adult. For younger children, it can be confusing and frightening to learn that children can get cancer too. 

Be clear and keep it simple

When telling your child about their cancer, or about their brother’s or sister’s cancer, be clear about:

• The name of the cancer
• The part of the body affected
• How it will be treated

Some key points to explain about cancer (depending on age/understanding) are that:

• It is a disease of the cells
• There are hundreds of different types of cancer
• There are different treatments for each type
• Each cancer and its treatment is different, because every person is different
• Adjusting to life with cancer can be tough – both for the person who has cancer, and their families and friends

The glossary in Cancer Council’s “How to talk to kids about cancer” booklet is useful if you need to explain cancer terms to your child. Camp Quality’s Kids Guide to Cancer app can be a great resource to have with you on your phone/device during these conversations too.

It is also okay to divide the conversation up into several smaller chats, if you can observe your child is uncomfortable, or they are unable to process further information for now. Let them know they can come to you with questions, a leave it for another time.

Direct them to accurate, age-appropriate information

Try not to overwhelm your child with too much information at once. You can always give them more detail later if they are interested or direct them to information written for children or young people who have a parent with cancer, like the books and resources on the Canteen website; or Camp Quality’s Kids’ Guide to Cancer app is for children aged 8-13 who have a parent, sibling, friend, or loved one with cancer and answers common questions about cancer and includes stories from other children affected by cancer.

They may also wish to write down questions (on paper or in their phone/device) to bring to you, or for you to take to your next appointment/email to your treatment team.

For children who are using the internet, it may also be useful to have a conversation about using Google to search for cancer information online, or via social media. It’s useful to acknowledge the uniqueness of each person’s cancer experience, and that ultimately only their treatment team is going to have the most reliable information for their cancer. Encourage your child to come to you, their treating team, or another trusted adult, if some information they come across raises a worry or concern.

Lastly, care for yourself as well as you can in these moments – these are big and difficult conversations to have. Lean into supports such as the social work team at the hospital, or call us at Cancer Hub to see what services can be there for you and your family at this time.